To: Editor-in-Chief, PMI
From: The Olde Curmudgeon
What nerve! Devoting a whole issue of PMNETwork to Women in Project Management. What an insane idea!
That might have been your first reaction, and some of my buddies said the same thing. But I've been thinkin' about it lately and thought I'd share my thoughts with your readers.
I AM A MALE CHAUVINIST
AA advises that the first step in recovering is admitting a problem. Yeah, that's right. I'll admit to what some folks have been claiming for a long time now. Deep down, I am an incurable male chauvinist. Can't deny it. After all, isn't it a fact that the first step in getting something like that under control is to admit it?
Let's think a little about how I got this affliction. I was brought up way back in the days when the popular dream of most mothers and their sons was for a happy life in a simplistic world. We dreamed of coming home to that little house with the white picket fence and being greeted by the sweetest girl in the world. She would have a kiss on her lips, maybe a drink in her hand, and a hot meal on the table. And when we started a family, she would be the one to take care of the cuts and bruises, drive the family taxi, and do all the other things to make a house a home. You know, the man's castle! After all, he was (and still is today in many families) the primary breadwinner, responsible for the financial well-being of the family in the long run.
Yep, that's the dreamer in me.
POOF GOES THE DREAM
Well, it worked for a while. Maybe it was Rosie the Riveter who changed that for all time. She went into the factory and did almost all the jobs that the guys used to do before they went off to World War II. She proved that women had far greater capacity for hard work—outside the home—than had ever been believed by us guys. The trouble was about the same as it was for the doughboys about whom they wrote that song that asked, “How you gonna keep ‘em down on the farm after they've seen Paree?”
Most of your readers can't even understand that notion, I'll bet, ‘cause that was back before there was even one car in every garage and the Joneses didn't have all that much either.
Well, those days are gone forever, and along with them went some other things that I'm sorry we've lost. Back in those days, a married man referred to his wife as the “better half”! Some modern women may think that phrase trite, demeaning, condescending, and a host of other adjectives. I always did, and still do, consider that appellation as not merely a bit of flattery, but as a sincere recognition that women enjoyed a special place in the world and especially in the family. They were given a place on a pedestal. How often I heard the expression, “He worships the ground she walks on.” Chivalry was not dead. Men were gentlemen, women were ladies, and children were taught to respect their elders, and especially their mother.
What a pity we have lost so much of that! Or am I ever the hopeless idealist? Or maybe my view of the world is too dire now.
NOT JUST CHIVALRY DIED!
There are some other things that have all but disappeared in our society. Children could come home from school to be welcomed by their mother. If they misbehaved, they could depend on mother saying, “Just wait ‘til your father gets home.” Today that may be next week, next month, or not at all. Members of families lived within earshot of one another. If one of the kin misbehaved, they would feel the eyes, if not more, of their elders. Today, that seems to be the exception and, too often, anything goes in lifestyle, values, and, even worse, manners. I remember being admonished that, “You don't talk that way in front of ladies.” Now vulgarities splash the airwaves so regularly as to make one wonder if that word has any meaning at all any more. And, yes, I am guilty, not for using vulgarities, but ‘cause I didn't pounce on our kids enough on that score,
Well, so much for that dream.
REALIZING ANOTHER DREAM
Rosie found her wings and soon women realized there was more to going to school than finding a mate... for life. They studied hard enough so that they now take most of the honors in academic performance...leastwise, that's my observation. Now, the woman I married is one of those. She studied biology and trained as a professional. She really enjoys her profession. What right do I have to say she can't practice her profession, and if she does, why should she be treated any differently than a male doing the same work? Isn't that what you would want for your daughter or your spouse?
Then there's the practical side of the issue. Without arguing which came first, which caused what, or the current values of society, many women have been left holding the bag with children and no visible means of support. Shouldn't they have skills and knowledge to earn a living, too? And then, it is also a valuable family insurance policy in the event the old man loses his job or his ability to earn a living.
Then there's this equal opportunity thing. I've lived that already several times. One was when our oldest daughter was entering high school. She had a good six years of competitive swimming behind her and thought she'd like to compete in high school. Alas, there was no girls' swim team, so she wanted to swim on the boys' team. After much soul-searching by the Administration (you see, I was on the School Board) it was decided she would indeed be allowed to swim on the boys' team. She did, and lettered as a freshman. The next year they started a girls' swim team, she was told she would have to swim on it, whereupon she promptly quit swimming...there was not enough competition to suit her. Did I do anything that any “old man” wouldn't have done for his daughter?
And it makes me want to say a few things to my youngest daughter's boss, who seems incapable of expressing himself without sexual innuendoes. The lament, “Why can't a woman be more like a man?” need not be carried to the extreme of excessive vulgarity in the presence of women.
A PLEA FOR COURTESY
Thirty years ago (obviously, when I was younger), it was not as easy for me to view a woman as my daughter, but I did always consider her a lady. Even while trying to persuade males to treat them as equals (a necessity for effective professional interaction), I would hold a door for and take the coat of a woman. Today, that courtesy has been difficult at times for two reasons: fear that it would be considered condescending, or behaviors by women which made it difficult to treat them like a lady. In fact, it has even become a pleasant surprise to receive a polite “thank you” from a woman who is shown a courtesy.
My simple-minded definition of a lady is “a woman who knows how to make it easy for a man to be a gentleman.” (Of course, that can be reversed to define a gentleman, too.) Racing to get through the door first, to sit down at the table first, and other such modern-day practices don't enhance that relationship. But then, where do you draw the line on behaviors toward your boss if they happen to be of the opposite gender? When is it courtesy and when is it going too far? (And that's a double entendre if there ever was one.)
CONFLICTING VALUES
Yep, this old geezer has had a tough time reconciling incompatible values. It has not been enjoyable spending evenings at home alone or resolving conflicts between days off and who is going to do what around the house. I would rather not have had to deal with these conflicts. But the fact of the matter is that my wife and daughters all lead fulfilling professional careers and are juggling more things than I would want to try. And I am proud of all of them in all their roles.
Even though a part of me doesn't like it, Western society has changed. And it is well. A woman no longer needs to be dependent on a man for her livelihood. And the man no longer must carry the burden of being the sole provider. A woman need not feel her usefulness in society ends when her children leave home. Other avenues of growth are available today. Indeed, we all have new dimensions of freedom.
So, where's the beef? Am I scared of them? No way. Am I jealous of them? No more so than of anyone else who happens to be smarter, more skilled, more able, than me.
The genie is out of the bottle and there's no way to put it back. Now the objective has to be making the best, fairest, most civil world we are capable of creating. After all, isn't that what civilization is all about?
This new world may not be the world I have dreamed about but it's not all bad. Women are different. That difference per se does not prevent them from doing any job.
Vive la difference!